Numb
by Emerin
Summary: But i love you! Thats all that should matter! She screamed. FEMSLASH HermioneGinny


Hullo!

Thought I'd try my hand at some femslash. Didn't know how it turned out, so lemme know. I'm ready to take flames cause I know this wasnt as good as my other slash stories.

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" So I'm here, without you and I just can't go on...I can't breathe without you, I don't wanna go on.I'm blind without you, the darkness fills my light.I'm not me without you, it just doesn't feel right..." She softly sang.

The club quieted as she continued her sorrowful song. So quiet, you could've heard a pin drop.They were a good audience, she admitted.Silently weeping along with her pain. Its been like this ever since the end of seventh year. Suddenly starting a singing career after a year's worth of choir and performances at the schools' talents shows. Here she was, Hermione Granger, a new local love.Favorite to her parents, family and close friends. Even some guys liked her.

But did it matter? No. Nothing really got to her anymore. Lately, its just been 'get to school on time; get to work on time;get to the gig on time;just walk away' She hadn't had her heart into anything since-

"YAY! ENCORE! WOHOO!"

She jumped a bit,realizing she'd finished the song.It was one of the first she'd written since that summer before sixth.One of the ones that hurt the most to sing. But the audience wanted that.They wanted emotion.So, she gave it them. Boy did she.

"Thank you all for coming out and listening to my lame songs.I hope to see you next at the university's amatuer night to cheer me on. Thank you again and goodnight." Then she put down her guitar slowly and walked off the tiny stage. Meeting her backstage were her mom and dad, and the club-owner, who also happened to be her best friend, Harry Potter.

"Wow, that was amazing honey." Mrs. Granger commented as she kissed Hermione's forehead.

"Yeah, it was like, you were more intuned with your songs than ever before."Harry commented.

Hermione just nodded, already tuning them out as she gathered up her gear. "Thanks " Was all she muttered.

She tossed the guitar into the backseat of her car. She desperately needed a timeout. Not to think, god knew she'd thought ENOUGH these past few years. But just...some silence. Inside and out silence.It'd be a nice change of weather for sure.

So,she climbed into her silver Ford and drove off waving goodbye to all that came to see her that night. Driving calmed her down, true, but only she secretly knew why she always drove.

It was because she felt THAT much closer to _her_. The one person who's memory tormented her night and day.The one person who touched her soul SO deeply, it was unbelievably painful to see her go. Ginny. Her girlfriend of almost a year. Well, now, EX-girlfriend of over two years. Even now, her image haunted her.

How she smiled, tossed her hair, giggled when she was tickled, always concerned whether she was all right or not. Ginny.Sweet,lovable,soulmate Ginny. Even SHE didn't know where things went wrong. It was just one of those things.Worry got the best of her and her constant concern over 'whats best for Ginny'. Damn,she regretted her words everyday...

A huge sigh escaped her."No.No i'm not gonna do this to myself."

She quickly shoved all the warm feelings away and continued to drive. Of course she always drove in the country, the one place where it brought back SO any memories. Back when things were just them. Hermione and Ginny.Only them, nothing else.

Another shaky sigh slipped past her throat. She shoved back her auburn hair and let a single tear glide down her skin. Feeling more threatening to burst, she pulled over and stared out at the dark hillside, unaware that her subconscious had taken her to the last place they met.

The tree...the rock...the left behind ring case. The remnants of the best day of her life.The day she looked Ginny square in the eye and said "I love you and wanna marry you..."

But it never happened. Family got in the way, pasts, futures. It just never came to be. And the fact she dreamt about their wedding day night after night since then, just made her pain worse. She lowered her scrunched face to her hands and burst into tears. Hard,shallow,hot tears...

"But i love you! Thats all that should matter! " She screamed.

"I know...I know...b-but..."

"No fucking BUTS. I love you Hermione, thats ALL that matters to me.You think I'm just gonna walk outta here, fine and dandy and quickly fall for another guy? Hell fucking NO!'

She flinched at her harsh words. "Ginny...its-its the only way. What we're doing is illegal. And I don't want you going to Azkaban over ME."

"I don't CARE,ok? I just don't give a rats arse. I love you, and I always will...No other guy will give me what you have. If..If it wasn't for you, I'd die." She managed to choke out before tears took her.

"Baby..."" she whispered reaching out to comfort her.

Ginny jerked back "NO! You say this is the best way..FINE! Fucking FINE! Then walk out. NOW! If you want this, go now !"

She frowned hard, insides churning. Her eyes stung with the wetness that was about to gush out. A sudden spark of anger flamed her hurt "FINE! I hope you're happy with your life!" and with that, she stormed out of Ginny's flat.

All she heard as she almost reached for the doorknob again was crying.Hard, shallow, hot crying...

Hermione climbed the stairs to the stage.Oh boy, this was it.Her big night! Her university's amatuer talent night.God, she hoped there were agents in the crowd. She peeked out through the curtain at the audience._Oh my god._

From where she was, they all looked like a huge mass of ants.There must've been over 300 people in there! She was only used to the little 15 or so in Harry's club.What was she getting herself into? Why was she here? She quickly rushed back down the stairs and made a dive for the exit door.A hand grabbed her wrist and turned her around.

"And where do you think you're going young lady?"

"Harry,i can't do this..I..I just CAN'T!"

He laughed a bit " And why not?You've been wanting this so bad for over two years now. "

She sighed to herself, _no I haven't..I want only one thing,but it ain't happening.._. " Harry,c'mon. Just let me go."

"No, I'm not letting you go," he protested.

She looked up into his bright green eyes.A flash of famliarity of that sentence. He meant that line in more than one way. She shook her head and yanked at her hand "Harry, I'm not kidding.Let me go or I'll kick your ass. And you KNOW I can."

He chuckled," Don't remind me.But I'm willing to risk that cause I KNOW you're gonna regret not doing this. "And with that, he dragged her back up the stage. "Now lets go, you're up next."

She squirmed nervously in her ankle high boots, long lace black skirt and sheer burgundy tanktop. A gulp and adjust of all her clinky bracelets and she was walking out onto the stage.A cheer rose up as she seated herself on a stool and attempted a smile.She gazed over the crowd tapping her nail on the edge of her guitar. _What are you doing dork?She's not out there,so just forget it_.

A sigh passed her lungs before she leaned over to the upright microphone. "Hullo everyone..a-and thank you for coming out. I have three original songs I'd like to share with you...A-all...come from life experiences, so, hope you enjoy the glimpse into my life."

Softly strumming her guitar,a low hum pushed past her lips as she closed her eyes so the songs could take her back again.

"As I lay alone,warm in my bed

The stars they shine,above my head

So you may not be here,but i know you're near

Even though i can't see you,I know,you're there...you're there...

In my heart,you'll stay

never part,never go away

You're apart of me

Deep in my soul

I'll know...i'll know...

So now i rest, lay my head down

For i must wait,f or you

In my dreams, I see your face

You smile at me, your warm embrace

I dream, you seem...

In my heart,you'll stay

never part,never go away

You're apart of me

Deep in my soul

I'll know...i'll know...

In **your** heart, I'll stay

Never part,nor sway

I'm apart of **you**

Deep in my soul

I'll know, we'll know..."

As the songs she sang passed one after the other, tears kept building up. She quickly finished the last song and leaned away from the mike. Looking out into the crowd, she saw a face in the same condition as hers in the front row. A soft, freckled, moist face. A familiar face from so long ago.

The lips of that face mouthed out an "I still love you..." then disppeared into the mass of cheers.

Hermione blinked and sat up on her chair, looking for that face again. Needing to see it. She let an exhale escape her as she sank in her chair.

"I love you too, Gin..." She muttered before exiting the stage.


End file.
